Love and Polyamory

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Anonymous asked: I just stumbled on your blog looking for something out there to help me navigate my feelings. I am now over a year into a polyamorous relationship and I have been struggling of late. Then I saw journal 13, exactly what I needed, what I struggle with.

Glad I could help Anon~

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Anonymous asked: Hi! I've been wondering this for a little bit, and I was hoping if you could answer it? So, if you're polyamorous, (spelling?) do you only ever feel comfortable with more than one person, or does it just sometimes feel right to be monogamous, and other times polyamorous? Along those lines, do you have to "come out" as polyamorous, or do you just kind of go and do it? Thank you, I'm kind of a newbie. (If you couldn't tell :3)

Hello and my sincerest apologies for the late reply anon, I’ve been on hiatus for awhile. Your spelling of the term is indeed correct. I am by no means an expert on the subject of poly however, for myself personally, my view is that love is a choice and as such I chose to be poly for a time to learn about myself and how I connect with people in a relationship. I felt comfortable with all of my partners and I also feel just fine in my current monogamous relationship. To be honest poly is what you make of it and there’s no one way to go about it. The main thing is honesty, open-communication, and safety to make a poly relationship get off on the right foot. Hope that helps anon~

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Journal Entry #13

Greetings to all of my followers, it’s been awhile since the last post but this was especially inspired by some concerning talk I have been hearing from close friends about their significant others.

There are several ways you can drive a person away but I’ll be talking about one specifically. Keeping your significant other by/near you at all times. The reasons for why a person would do this vary and can include but are not limited to the following: jealousy, insecurity, “wanting to keep their significant other safe” etc. I can understand that you might wish to spend every waking moment that you can with your significant other. However everyone needs their space. My partner for example loves to go out with their friends a lot each weekend. It makes me feel a bit lonely sometimes but I understand that they are the kind of person that needs to get out of the house and do something. Otherwise they have very restless behavior. So I let them go, tell them to have a good time, and to come home safely. I typically either go to sleep or find something else to entertain myself until they return and I welcome them back with a nuzzle and a kiss.
"If you love them let them go."
Please don’t trap them into staying with you, unless it’s a severe safety issue. (I.e. they’re drunk and can’t drive safely or there’s an axe murderer outside or something.)
Just look inside yourself if you catch yourself trying to make them stay home with you. Look for what feelings are triggering this and talk with your significant other about it. If you feel insecure, lonely, or jealous, ask yourself why. It will help you understand what your needs are in the relationship. However, be willing to compromise and this will get you far in your relationships. Hope this helps~

Thanks for following,

Love and Polyamory

Filed under relationships trust love jealousy insecurity

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Journal Entry #12

Hello to all of my lovely followers, since Valentines’ Day is coming up I’d like to make a special post concerning it. Also for those who celebrate it happy year of the horse~

In any case Valentine’s Day has become overly hyped I believe and many partners and single people all over the world have made it known that if they don’t receive something of sentimental value, chocolate, flowers, etc. they’ll be upset and take it as a sign that you don’t care about/love them. However, I urge for you all not to get upset over this very publicized holiday. If a partner has forgotten about Valentine’s Day (yes some people do forget honestly), has to work, or things are financially tight at the moment try to understand and accept it. I would urge that every day be treated as Valentine’s day. Do something special for them when you can, love, accept, and appreciate them in all their aspects always.

I personally practice Valentine’s Day in a similar way that the Japanese do. In Japan on Valentine’s Day women give the important men in their life chocolate and this is not limited to boyfriends, fiancées, and husbands but also teachers, friends, and coworkers as well. White Day (March 14) is where the males reciprocate the feelings given to them the month before with a white item of choice. Some people are given white ribbons, white flowers, or white scarves but as I understand it anything white will do.

As always thanks for following,

Love and Polyamory

Filed under polyamory love valentines day honesty relationships

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Journal Entry #11

Hello and happy holidays to all my followers, since tis the season for gift giving. I thought I’d make this post about how I go about shopping for my significant other’s gifts. Firstly, I think about what kind of person they are mine in particular is extremely practical and frugal so most lavish gifts would be an utter nightmare and most likely a waste of well earned cash. Next I think about what they’ve been conversing/complaining about. (Maybe they’ve been cold with this crazy weather lately or perhaps they’ve been eyeing that new reclining chair at ikea because your old one is getting pretty shabby). Sometimes they won’t say anything at all if that’s the case ask some of their friends (preferably ones that can keep a secret haha). They might have a little insight into what they would like.
I also urge you all not to buy extravagant gifts that you simply cannot afford in order to impress them. In my opinion I don’t believe it’s worth it to put yourself in serious financial hardship. Some will appreciate a lovely hand made gift and/or card. Or you can even get a little creative with more intimate IOU’s or promises~
If you’re daring enough you can even ask them yourself what they want. (Pretty much fail-proof unless they change their mind a lot.)
Hope that helps you holiday shoppers and enjoy your vacation (if you get one) if not enjoy your weekend.

Thanks for following,
Love and Polyamory

Filed under holiday shopping love polyamory relationships

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Journal entry #10

Hello to all my lovely followers,

Today’s post will concern phone/email/Facebook etiquette. In today’s world the ability to “stalk” one’s significant other is made extremely simple especially through social media websites such as Facebook, MySpace (if anyone still uses it haha), etc. In my humble opinion it’s a healthy habit to check up on your significant other, spouse, like their status or laugh at their ridiculous pictures. It allows you access to a different part of them. However I believe some people take it too far. Constantly scrolling their news feed several times a day, getting upset or angry at every status that doesn’t include you and even sending nasty messages to a significant other’s intimate friends (opposite sex or not). It can get pretty crazy. I can understand the basis for these actions, possibly you don’t feel you are spending enough quality time with your significant other or you feel as though they care about others more than they do about you. If you’re feeling lonely I urge you to one, communicate with them and two to respect their privacy. Don’t snoop through their phone, emails, computer, or Facebook. If there’s something that concerns you about their behavior or actions on social media or otherwise at the very least confront them about it. In a calm and non-accusatory manner. Accusations tend to make a person defensive and therefore unwilling to hear your point of view. Use “I feel” instead of “you make me feel”. You make me feel is blame placement language and places the lame for your emotions on your significant other. Definitely not a good feeling. As far as my significant other goes I trust him to respect my privacy. It’s pretty funny they are extremely vigilant in making sure I don’t see their passwords for anything, in those situations I politely avert my eyes when they type in a password or unlock their phone. If you find yourself wanting to snoop through their phone, email, etc. ask yourself why first. Curiosity or boredom? Ask them if you could browse through it as they observe over your shoulder in case there’s sensitive information (social security number, account numbers, etc.). Overall trust is important in any relationship and so is respecting their space and privacy. I do realize I’ve left out a possibility that’s most likely going through all of your minds. (Well what if you suspect them of cheating?) I’ll try and cover that in the next journal entry. As always questions, concerns, things you would like to see in future posts, and comments are welcome in my ask box. Love you all and thanks for following~ -Love and Polyamory

Filed under love polyamory trust social media relationships communication emotions

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mhmlol asked: what prompted your switch back to monogamy, if you don't mind me asking?

I certainly don’t mind at all. Thank you for the question.

I had been checking in with myself every few months to gauge my feelings and to “meditate” on what I had learned about myself through my partners. I have learned a great deal especially from partner D. They taught me about my weaknesses as well as my strengths with fair mindedness and their ever present logical judgement. However their tolerance level of people not changing their actions after being confronted with their own flaws of character was extremely low. I showed them this and now they are working to increase their tolerance as I increase my inner knowledge. I digressed a bit haha sorry. In any case I don’t believe I clearly stated that I went into poly to learn more about myself as a person, to broaden my own experiences, and to learn how I connect with people. I never in my wildest dreams expected to learn as much as I did and to grow as a person as much as I have. Now that I’ve learned more about myself I feel that I have accomplished my goals for entering into a polyamorous structure. Thus I decided to become monogamous once more.

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Journal Entry #9 

Hello to all of my lovely followers. Thank you so much for your support along my journey and I hope that my blog has helped any of you struggling in your relationships and/or helped you to get more information about different relationship structures. A few short weeks ago and after a year of learning about myself and how I connect to others through poly I have decided to return to a monogamous structure. Both of my two partners, D and M were accepting of the change and supported my choice.

However this blog will continue to provide my followers with quotes and interesting topics related mainly to polyamorous and monogamous relationships as well as everything in between. Please let me know if there’s anything in particular any of you would like me to discuss.

As always any questions, comments, or concerns are welcome in my inbox.

Thanks for following~
-Love and Polyamory

Filed under love polyamory relationships monogamy

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Journal Entry #8

So today’s my birthday yay~
Thanks for the feedback I received it was appreciated. ^_^

In any case today’s topic revolves around Internet relationships (before web cams) and their limitations. Now I myself have been apart of three separate mildly long lasting (6 months to 2 years) purely through Internet relationships. I believe them to be a valid relationship and I indicated as much to Partner D however they disagreed by saying that if you never meet them then it is eventually going to break down and a change is needed. I’ll break this down into detail the way they did.

A relationship starts over the Internet and they’re perfectly fine as a couple, they check in with each other every day to see how their significant other’s day went etc. they send pictures back and forth and spend all night/day talking. Eventually according to my partner, one person is going to want more, to physically be with that person. Then the couple is faced with a choice to either go see each other in person and satisfy the need for physical touch or to break up.

I can understand how that would work out but I do believe that as far as myself goes I wouldn’t necessarily strongly desire to be physically around my long distance significant others. (Assuming I never met them in the first place.) In my humble opinion I believe people greatly undervalue the mental, emotional, and spiritual connection one has with their significant others’ and greatly over value the physical connection. I value the other three over the later, personally.

Now I’d like to pose another question to my followers: How do you rank the different connections (physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental) you have with your significant others?
Do you believe a long distance Internet relationship without physical contact will last? And for how long?

As always any questions, comments, and concerns are welcome in my ask box or email.
Thanks for following ,

Love and Polyamory

Filed under love polamory relationships internet connection trust

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Journal Entry #7

Hello to all my lovely followers. Hope everyone is doing well. ^_^ I recently obtained a second job so I’ve been quite the busy lady. However I’d like to share with you all a conversation I was having with partner D. It all started when they brought up the question randomly. “How much do you want to know about me?” I replied honestly and yeah I was a little cliche but I said, “Everything, I want to know everything.”
This reply surprised them and they said, “No you don’t.”

Allow me to explain my position I feel as though when I love someone or even if I’m just good friends with a person I want to do everything I possibly can to make them happy. On the flip side I’m constantly and incessantly curious about everything pertaining to us as human beings. I want to know how they think, why they react the way they do everything. This especially pertains to each of my partners. I want to know what makes them upset, happy, angry, what drives them, what their hopes are, their dreams for the future, etc. So I can best make use of my strengths and weaknesses. However a few have sought to use me for this and they definitely paid the consequences. Knowledge is what drives me and partner D believes this to be both my best and worst quality.

They believe that knowing everything about a person can be dangerous for both the person who knows everything and the person who is known about. For the person that knows everything, they can easily abuse this knowledge to cause irrevocable harm to the other person. They see the possible harm outweighing the possible good that could come from the knowledge.

Even if it ends up hurting me in the long run I think, no, I know that I’d much rather have that knowledge than be ignorant.

What do you guys think? Please discuss this with the people closest to you and leave your response in my ask box~

As always questions, concerns, and comments are always welcome in my ask box or my email.

Thanks for following~
Love and Polyamory

Filed under relationships honesty knowledge dangerous knowledge polyamory poly